Life As Mum

Christmas Card 2010

2010-12-14T20:08:00.000-05:00

Finally got these puppies ordered! So cute right?

Naughty Or Nice Christmas Card

For hundreds of Christmas card designs, click here.

View the entire collection of cards.

O Christmas Cards, O Christmas Cards

2010-12-09T19:12:00.000-05:00

O how annoying you can be.

Does anyone else have trouble keeping up with the Christmas card thing? Our first year of marriage I bought all of the supplies to carefully handcraft, stamp and embellish the best Christmas cards in the world. I finished three. I only remembered to send one.

I'm no Martha.

Shutterfly is here to make it all easier. They saved my skin last year when we were T minus 10 days till Christmas with no Christmas cards going out of the new baby. I knew I would be forever banished to "outlaw" by the inlaws if they didn't receive a Christmas card with a photo of their darling grandson to display (in prominence, of course) on their banister. I uploaded a photo and had the cards in my hands in 48 hours. I also scored big in the grandparent department by gifting them each with a Shutterfly photobook of Sam's first nine months. Photo calendars are on their list for this year and I'm excited to see how they turn out. The quality of their products is excellent and I'm now a lifelong customer.

This is the card I've picked out for 2010:

Or maybe this one:

Or I may go crazy and order half and half.

Check 'em out here. Come on, you know you want to. . . all the cool kids are doing it!

I was compensated 50 free Shutterfly holiday cards for my participation in this program. It's no biggie- I would have ordered them anyway.

Where I've Been. And stuff.

2010-11-30T19:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think of Blogdom as one large, convoluted therapy session. We're all messed up in one way or another and we write about it. Or we write about something that takes our minds off of our freakishly weird lives.

Today, I'll start.

As I've spoken about before, after Sam was born I developed severe postpartum depression. I knew that I was clinically depressed but I had no idea how deep into the fog I had walked, nor how long I really stayed there. I felt a bit better around the 6-8 month mark and I assumed that it was over and that I was just different. It wasn't over. I sunk far deeper than I ever thought possible.

Over the summer my husband and I went through a very hard time. Part of it stemmed from my PPD and part of it was a mix of our immaturity and the fact that we had gone through several life altering changes over a short period of time. We're not arguers. We didn't yell and fuss. We just gave up.
Long story short- we're better now. Part getting married young is growing up together. We've both matured a lot over the past several months and our relationship is that much stronger. My husband is my best friend and I am his.

I've gone back to college. I'm in the business program and I'm majoring in marketing. This coming summer I'll also be taking some cosmetology classes for fun and if I'm able to finish all of my hours around my business coursework I'll take the state board exam and get my license. Thankfully I was able to CLEP out of quite a few classes and I've scheduled everything so that I'm away from Sam as little as possible. My PPD has improved remarkably with diet, exercise and a bit of light therapy.

Throughout the past six months I've gone through a metamorphosis of sorts. I wore pants for the first time in nine years on my 24th birthday. We're beginning to slough off the legalism that we were entrenched in so that we can walk in grace. It's freeing in a way that I can't describe. I understand God's love for me. I know that He knows my frame. The day I stopped living for people and started living for Christ felt like the stepping off point for the rest of my life.

So here am I.

Breathing grace.

I Heart Faces | Silhouettes

2010-11-15T05:19:00.000-05:00

Hellooooooo?

::Tapping glass::

Anyone here?

It's been a long time! If anyone still checks in here you'll be pleased to know that I am still alive! I took an extended break from blogging and I'm ready to hop back in the saddle! I'll explain the blogging break and all of the new changes in our lives in tomorrow's post. What better way to kick off a new start than with an I Heart Faces entry?

My baby sister is growing up. As the much older sister, I always see her as the perpetually perky 5th grader. She's graduating this year and is starting her own life away from home. She's going to be madly successful at whatever she puts her mind to, and part of her charm is that she's still not quite sure what that is yet. Last week she finally declared a major in Education, then promptly changed her mind after 48 hours. The baby I diapered and washed and let wet my bed is now a grown up. How did that happen? And why are they standing so close together? Shoo away dude! I'll shed a tear or two as I watch her take her own place in adulthood, and I'll wonder why I wished away her childhood.

Wait. . . I remember. It started when she pasted pantyliners to my bedroom door.

Moving on up!

2010-05-02T15:31:00.002-04:00

Smilin' Sam

2010-04-27T14:18:00.001-04:00

I'm entering this photo of Samuel into my very first I Heart Faces Challenge. He was thrilled to see his Easter basket after church on Easter afternoon, as shown in his adorable smile. We also celebrated his birthday that afternoon. This is a fitting challenge to enter a photo of him in. His nickname at church and elsewhere is "Smilin' Sam", and everyone remarks that his smile is so contagious. He's our joy, and brings smiles to our faces all throughout the day.

Thread of Grace: Part 1

2010-04-27T10:05:00.000-04:00

I mentioned in a previous post that my dad left when I was quite young. What I didn't mention was that my dad was a womanizer and after multiple affairs he left my mother for a 19 year old model. Though he was quite wealthy, he rarely sent child support or alimony. My mother was too hurt and headstrong and proud to fight for it. We moved 200 miles away, into a tiny apartment in a tiny town bringing only our clothes, antique furniture that my mom had inherited from her grandmother, and a luxury vehicle which she promptly traded in for a small red Ford. My mother had been an accountant in my father's business so not only was she a single mother, she was a jobless single mother.

She sold her Cartier watch to get us by and then quickly found a job in a CPA firm. I remember holding the watch in my hand on the way to the pawn shop. Loose diamonds floated in the face, and the thin gold band felt like liquid silk. She took it from me, placed it in a long blue velvet box, took the keys out of the ignition and told me to sit still until she returned. When she came back to the car she carried poise, confidence, and a look of victory.

Back in the early 90's a female accountant's salary was just barely enough to support a family. We ate liver cheese sandwiches, peanut butter sandwiches, fried bologna sandwiches, sometimes just two slices of bread with mayonnaise in between. She scrimped and saved every penny she had to send me the private school in our little town. Each night we would eat our sandwiches and she would tell me, "Christy, education is the key to your future. Take advantage of it and do your very best. It's the only way you'll make it in this world as a woman." I took her words to heart...

All Better

2010-04-26T14:09:00.000-04:00

After a round of antibiotics and new allergy meds Sam seems to be all patched up. It's good to be back to blogging. I feel renewed in purpose. Since I've started this blog I've always seemed to try to word my posts to be more mainstream, so that I would appeal to a wide variety of readers. In doing that I feel that as I blog I step outside of myself and become another person. Part of that stems from the fact that for a long time, I wasn't sure who I really was on the inside. After my entire world was rocked last fall it took me a while to regroup and understand what I really believed. My foundation is still strong, and my beliefs really haven't changed that much at all.

I want to share myself with you. I have a story. Going from being a small child of a single mother and opening the refrigerator door morning after morning to find only olives and moldy cheese...becoming the spoiled wealthy girl for many years...being homeless for several months...slowly dying inside while wrapped in religion...finding peace with my family and learning all about grace...stepping out on my own to follow the road that God had for me... the story continues.

I'm going to be sharing my story over the next several weeks. It may take a while. Some parts are exceedingly painful for me, and other parts are filled with joy. Being a mother is a full time job and a half, so though I promise to post a bit each weekday some days you might just get a paragraph. I'm looking forward to sharing with you.

Losing it: Week 9

2010-04-23T23:50:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post for all of my Losing It comrades: I'm still hanging in here! I've made an honest effort to exercise each day this week, even though it's been a rough few days. I feel good! I've also started a vitamin regimen which has helped so much with my energy level and mental clarity. I've been borderline anemic since Samuel's birth (I lost a lot of blood during my c-section) and I never started the iron prescription that I was supposed to way back then. Honestly, I was just too tired to remember to take one each day. I finally started them this week and I added a mulivitamin with vitamin c and b-12. The difference has been remarkable!

I don't know if I've lost any this week since I've banished our scale and we're now a scale free home again. In my post last week I explained my new goals and motivation. Part of that motivation is being more than a number on a scale. I want to feel good, look good for my husband, and have control of my eating habits. A scale isn't going to help me with any of those things. I'm not doing a lot to cut calories either. I'm eating healthy, filling meals and I'm concentrating on enjoying meals and snacks without falling into excess. It's been a good week.

Checking In

2010-04-22T09:26:00.000-04:00

Just wanted everyone know that I'm going to reluctantly skip the Before/After Blog Hop over at Monica's today. Samuel has a severe ear infection and I'm just too tired to dig through my archives and find a suitable photo. I'm going to try to pop in and look through everyone's entries though. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I hope to be back to blogging on Monday.

Reminder

2010-04-18T21:55:00.000-04:00

Danielle reminds us of reality. And it hurts so deeply.

Losing It: Week 8

2010-04-16T16:45:00.000-04:00

This is just a quick update to let you know that I'm still hanging in there. I ordered Jillian's 30 Day Shred with an Amazon gift card from all of the Swagbucks that I've been accumulating. Those things add up fast! I'm also considering downloading the Couch to 5K app that everyone is talking about. Guaranteed weight loss for $2.99? I'll take it. I've never been a runner, but maybe that can change.

I feel a bit sad that this challenge only has two weeks left. I haven't given it my all, and I haven't been serious about seeing results. Many days it's been easier to just eat the bag of chips and forget about weight loss. Maybe the reason I gave up is because I lost my vision. I would look at the slim, trim, two months postpartum ladies out there and I would become so defeated. I felt that I had kept my weight on so long that there was no use trying. I would just dip another chip while a little light inside me dimmed just a bit more.

But I have a new vision. I want to try again. I want to try for my husband, and I want to try for the Lord. In Titus 2:2 when God instructs us to be temperate (moderate) He means with all things. That includes food. I want to have self control over my body. I know that if I don't get self control over my eating habits, that that laziness will leak into other areas of my life.

For the next two weeks I'm going to make an honest effort. I have a goal to lose two pounds each week for a total of four by the end of the challenge. Please pray for me as I do this. I want to break this habit before it takes over me.

Don't forget to link up at Giving Up On Perfect!

Before and After

2010-04-15T08:55:00.001-04:00

I haven't picked up my camera at all this week. My little one is sick with a stuffy nose and has been up for the past three nights and I don't trust myself to handle expensive equipment. I'm posting one of the very first photos I took with my DSLR. Actually, I took it the morning after opening my camera. I didn't edit it very much just rounded corners, and an unsharp mask. I used PSE. The coloring difference was actually a mistake, not an edit. When I first started I didn't realize that I had to convert all of my photos to sRGB for them to show up with the correct coloring on the web. I actually liked the color malfunction for this shot, and never converted it.

Before:

After:

I really love this edit, it brings out a soft, sweet feeling. But for the purpose of the blog hop I thought I'd throw in a fresh edit as well. I didn't want to possibly break any rules posting an old edit.

The After After:

I edited this in Lightroom and added an unsharp mask in PSE. I wanted it to look like a Victorian painting, as I had plans to use it as a print in our bedroom. I'm trying to get out of my editing comfort zone and try new looks. So, is it a keeper?

For more Before/Afters, click on the button at the top of this post and head over to Monica's for a look.

One

2010-04-14T14:45:00.000-04:00

I still can't believe it...

Decal Headboard

2010-04-13T12:13:00.001-04:00

Just popping in for a moment. Samuel has been sick since yesterday and I'm working overtime trying to help him feel a bit better. I just wanted to mention these before I forgot.

I found these decal headboards on a design blog, and was pleasantly surprised to see that they're in the $40 range. I'm always trying to find creative ways to save room in our tiny home, and these are perfect. I was thinking of purchasing one and instead of using it as a decal, tracing and using it as a stencil so that I could reuse it later. Aren't they wonderful?

The iron bedframe look is great too!

We're currently in the process of putting an offer in on a home. It's not too much larger than the home we currently rent, but it would be ours. If our offer is accepted, I'm going to take a second look at these for the master and guest bedrooms. It's so much fun finding creative items for our home!

Check them out here.

Redeeming the time

2010-04-12T11:14:00.000-04:00

Being a SAHM is so much more than just being a SAHM. From day one you become Super Mom, having the ability to morph into a number of roles at a moment's notice. Super Mom: aka diaper changer, potty trainer, cook, waitress, bus boy, furniture mover, landscaper, hand washer, floor crawler, toy picker upper, diaper bag hauler, giver of Goldfish, medic, corrections officer, judge, advocate, bus driver, crossing guard, produce manager, entertainment coordinator, treasurer, secretary, vice president, and personal Merry Maid representative.

Also: teacher, horizon widener, dream holder, listener, librarian, encourager, confidence builder and finally, friend.

Most of my days feel like they're five minutes long. The whine-y days (you know the ones) feel like they're five years long. One thing that I've noticed again and again in my life as mum: the grains of time slip through far too quickly to grasp. You can try to scoop them up later, maybe make a scrapbook with them...but the time is gone.

I want my time as a mother to count for something. I don't want to just hunker down and make it through the rough spots. I want to live deliberately. I believe wholeheartedly in training up children with a purpose. I want to teach them to purpose in their hearts to be different from the main stream, to live for others, to have confidence in God to work through them. I want to teach them to love.

I have a teacher's heart. I majored in Elementary Education and I loved every minute of it. Every bulletin board, every lesson plan, every math assignment was a thrill. I was excited to know that God could use me to make a difference in a child's life. Now God can use me to make a difference in my own children's lives.

I was excited when I found a blog this morning that had ideas for Tot School. I'm not one to push heavy schooling on young children, but I've found that working with Samuel during a bit of structured learning time each day has really helped him to stay busy. He loves learning. Throughout the next year I'm going to try to add a few segments of structured learning to our day. I've found some wonderful ideas at 1+1+1=1. She hosts an online linkup each Sunday called Tot School. She and others share ideas for children as young as 11 months.

It would be great if all of us with youngsters could join in. Please post any resources that you've found in the comments. I'm always on the lookout for ideas, even for older children. I'll Springpad it for later use!

Shout out

2010-04-09T21:13:00.000-04:00

If you love me, please click above and become a follower of my new photography site. Please. I'm begging. : ) I need some credibility. I've still got some tweaking to do, but I'm so excited to get this show on the road! Thanks everyone!! I heart all of you!

Losing it: Week 7

2010-04-09T10:22:00.001-04:00

I’ve gained back a good bit of weight. I’m now hovering a few pounds below my starting point, and I have no idea why. We only eaten out 3 times since the salmonella incident. I’ve been active. I’ve tried to drink water. I’m not pregnant. Was it the Easter candy? Is it stress?

Part of me doesn't care because I feel okay, and part of me is so frustrated because the yo-yo weight is worse than just being a bit heavy to begin with. Clothes that fit on Monday no longer fit by Friday, and the cycle continues. I never experienced anything quite like it.

So, in week 7 I gained 7 pounds while eating right, exercising, and drinking more water than a camel. And I'm still two weeks away from the point where I gain a few pounds as part of my cycle. Sigh.

For posts more encouraging than mine check out the linky at Mary's blog here. There are several ladies that I've been rooting on that are seeing great results.

Before and After

2010-04-08T10:48:00.002-04:00

I snapped a few photos after bath time a few nights ago. The lighting was yucky and the background was less than desirable so I did a quick high contrast B&W conversion in Lightroom.

I want to send out a very special thank you to all of you who voted for me last week. Your encouragement keeps me going. Following my dream and stepping out on a limb with photography has been a bittersweet experience. There are (well meaning I'm sure) people who tear my work to shreds on boards. It's okay, because it helps me learn, but having a bit of encouragement goes a long way in keeping me from chucking my camera out a window and giving up. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. I really mean it.

Before:

After:

First Love

2010-04-08T08:27:00.002-04:00

I have a clear memory of the first time that I opened a book with the ability to actually read it. I was four, I was sitting in the small space between our sofa and the wall, our carpet was blue, and I was holding a book about an angry squirrel that my mother had purchased along with a set from a travelling salesman. I had just taught myself to read using the tapes that came with the books. I clearly remember my mother marking the place each tape started in red, and I would follow along until I could recite it, and then read other words by sight.

My parents fought constantly. I remember the night my dad left for good. There was a Christmas tree, it was dark, and I was in that small space holding my books in my lap. I feel asleep there.

I had a tempestuous childhood. I clung to books like lifelines. The first book that I remember loving was Charlotte's Web. No matter how hard things got, Fern was my friend. After school I would sit in a made up hayloft with Fern talking to Wilber and laughing while riding the Ferris Wheel with Avery. When Wilber became upset that Charlotte was a carnivore I talked him through it. "That's just the way life is, Wilber. Lots and lots of meat eaters out there." Other children thought that Fern was weird. Children thought that I was weird too. Fern talked to animals and I didn't talk at all. And as Wilber learned to be radiant, a little part of me learned to be radiant too.

Books taught me to shimmer.

Lies The Government Told You: Myth, Power and Deception in American History

2010-04-07T11:27:00.001-04:00

This is a review for Booksneeze. I was given one copy of the title below to facilitate this review..

Judge Andrew Napolitano's newest book is a lesson in truth. Do you know about the lies the government has told you? The Judge will tell you all about them. He respectfully disagrees with direction that our nation is headed (and has been headed for quite some time). Throughout the book he breaks down seventeen lies that most American's are blissfully unaware of. Is FEMA the best answer for disaster recovery? Are you really innocent until proven guilty?

This book was outstanding. It captivated me the entire time I read it. I was a bit turned off from selecting this book because of Judge Napolitano's association with Fox News, but I was pleasantly surprised. He shares his take on political history without going off into Glenn Beck style tirades. As I finished it I had a new respect for The Judge, as well as a new outlook on the inner workings of our often dishonest government. It was a quick moving read; I couldn't wait to pick it up again after laying it down. I consider it a must read for every American.

The First Birthday

2010-04-06T16:34:00.000-04:00

One year and three days ago I labored for 23 hours and then was rushed into an operating room after hearing the quick and steady beep, beep, beep, beep of the fetal heart monitor silence for a moment. The beep, beep, beep resumed, much slower, and I was whisked away. Twelve minutes later our eyes locked, and I knew what the word Mother really meant.

I can look back on one year of motherhood and say that it's the best thing that I've ever done. There is no career as rewarding, nothing more satisfying than the feeling of a sticky arm around my neck, a wet kiss on the cheek, and the feeling of his tiny hand in mine as he holds on tight between us, as Stephen and I dance around our living room to "Don't Rain On My Parade".

I'm no longer the mother of a baby. I have a toddler now. It saddens me in a secret place. My heart longs for another, not a replacement, but a new life to love and nurture and watch bloom. I know why some people collect children like flowers. They bring life, light, and innocence. Watching him grow has been a lesson in love.

I'm off to cook breakfast... for dinner. Gotta live a little.

Some things (Part 3)

2010-04-06T13:39:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to finish this up. I've not had time to blog between Samuel's birthday and all of our Easter festivities, both of which will get their own posts in time.

It was late October when the news about our Pastor fluttered around like the leaves falling from the tress. Too many to retrieve, but not enough to pick up and piece together for a clue of what happened. How could it happen? We were in shock. As details were revealed, the situation became worse and worse. I began to draw into myself. Church seemed hokey to me. Why were we there, pretending that something very real was just a fuzzy dream? You see, I spent my teenage years growing up with his daughter. He was my stand in father. I traveled with their family, spent nights in their home, spent days fishing, spent afternoons talking about the future. He was my hero, my spiritual pillar, my friend. I had left once, to find my own way... but when I returned he was there. He welcomed us home. He came to my wedding when I was shunned by those who I had left behind.

And he was gone. I grieved as though he had died, and in a way... he did. My vision of him had died. Even at the time I knew that no one was above the situation. We are but dust. All of us. But I had always imagined him being there. My husband and children and I would come visit after years on the mission field and he would be there. A bit more gray, wearing his glasses more often. There. Standing tall and confident and there.

I still haven't recovered. More times than not my faith wavers that he'll ever come back. I try to imagine him in his new life and I become physically ill. Others who love to glory in the fallen whisper. They make sure that we know the worst, the gruesome. Whispers float on the wind, huddles of people sharing secrets: Did you hear? He's a lost cause... The wife really just needs to move on now. Something drove him to this. It's always the ones that think they're above it...

I didn't pick up my Bible between the months of November and March. I didn't pray (much). I'm now finding healing, and my faith is slowly being restored. Ever so slowly I find myself hoping some days, knowing that all will be redeemed. Other times the aftertaste of bitterness plagues me. Doubt. Fear that my husband could be next, that my marriage could be suffering. After all, bigger fish have been fried.

Some Sundays church hurts. I look up to see him standing in his spot and he's not there. I look over and see his daughter, my dear friend, trying to keep it together and get through the service. I see his wife with an empty spot beside her. I see his 7 year old son lean over and ask his mother where his Daddy is preaching this morning, since he's not home.

Then I see hope in the empty seat, and know that any broken thing that's laid before the Lord will not be unredeemed.

Before and After

2010-04-01T10:42:00.000-04:00

I had the privilege of photographing beautiful Elizabeth and her family this past Saturday.

Edited in Lightroom. Cropped, warmed, curves adjustment, brought down clarity, raised blacks.

Thank you for looking! To see more before/afters, or to link up, click the button at the beginning of the post.

You Capture: Feet

2010-03-31T23:02:00.000-04:00

I had the honor of photographing the birth of my dearest friend's miracle baby. A baby that they waited nine years for. Her name is Lillie.

Some things (Part 2)

2010-03-31T11:08:00.001-04:00

As I mentioned in the previous post, regardless of all of the blessings that God had bestowed upon us, I still dwelled in doubt and fear. I could never let go of the thought that at any moment Stephen could be without a job. I was still dealing with a rough case of PPD, and it was just a really difficult time. When Samuel was two months old Stephen got a call about a job with better hours and higher pay. He went in for the interview and started two weeks later. I was so relieved. Having permanent, safe position felt amazing. We were finally standing on solid ground after nearly 6 months of waiting for the next crack to open up in the shifting plates of the job market.

Around Samuel’s 4 month birthday I finally started to feel like myself again. The depression left just as suddenly as it came. One morning I woke up, and I was fine. I got out of bed, cleaned my house like a mad woman, put on an actual matching outfit, loaded up my baby in a cutesy outfit and went to Target. And came back alive. It was the ultimate post partum test. I passed. I finally felt like a real mother. I could get in the floor and play with my baby without tears, I could hug my husband and give him a welcome home kiss. I could exercise, and go places, and talk to people without feeling like a failure. It was like being set free. Before I experienced post partum depression, I honestly didn’t believe that it was real. It’s real. I never used any type of medication (I know now that I should have been taking a vitamin supplement), I only prayed. There were many things that contributed to my PPD: early induction, cesarean section, breast feeding troubles, hormones, anemia… and I’ve now learned ways to combat PPD if I ever experience it after a future birth. And now I’m able to wholeheartedly reach out to new mothers who are battling PPD and offer encouragement.

Throughout the summer and into the fall things were as wonderful as could be. I rekindled my relationship with my husband and my relationship with the Lord.

On a windy afternoon in late October the call came in. Our pastor had left his family and ministry to be with a young woman… a young woman who was an integral part of the ministry that our church ran.

(I can only blog during naptime, and I hear my little one stirring. I’ll try to finish up this evening.)

Some things

2010-03-30T13:21:00.000-04:00

Blogging, to me, is whatever I need it to be whenever I need it. Sometimes this blog is a good "stick it here and don't forget it" place. Sometimes it's sleep therapy. Today it's just going to be real.

After Samuel's birth, I battled a severe case of PPD. What should have been the happiest moments of my life turned into a drawn out nightmare. I exclusively pumped (Samuel couldn't nurse because of several issues) and every three hours around the clock you could find me holed up with my pump, crying my eyes out, Bible in lap, trying to reach out to a God that I was sure had forsaken me. The only time I was fine was in the night when my husband was by my side. Then, everything seemed okay. We moved in with my mother for nearly a month so that she could help me care for Samuel during the daytime while Stephen was at work. I couldn't drive for the first six weeks because of my C-section incision so I never left the house except for twice a week for church. I showered and changed into a fresh nightgown every day and became a recluse.

It was a dark, dark place. It was an overwhelming flood of sadness for no apparent reason. Others would ask me what was wrong. All I could reply was that I didn't know, and I really didn't. Looking back I see that part of it was sheer exhaustion, part of it was frustration over nursing, and part of it was fear. I was afraid that my mothering skills were sub-par, afraid that this little life that was ours to mold fell into the wrong hands. I was afraid of failure.

I had a fear that my husband would lose his job. The bottom fell out of construction here in the South. His last day of work had been December 10th 2008, and paychecks had been spotty before then. He didn't get a new job until mid March, just a few weeks before Samuel's birth. For three months we lived off of the piddly little bit that I made through blogging and writing HTML. We burned through our self employment tax fund paying rent and buying groceries and gas for job interviews. There were no jobs. Engineers were taking jobs for $10/hour as laborers, and there were 200 people for every job opening. Three plants closed down in January and flooded the market with job searchers. Stephen was almost ready to take a postition at at a factory de-boning chicken for 12 hours a day when on a whim he applied for a job as a mechanical tester at one of the few remaining plants. He got it. We celebrated like it was Armistice Day. But the fear still lingered. The fear that the layoffs would continue. He only took off for the day of Samuel's birth and went back to his 60 hours a week the very next day. Jobs were too scarce to be careless.

I had stopped trusting God, even though He had never failed us. I had forgotten His miraculous provision during those jobless months. Weeks when we literally had $3.25 in the bank, we somehow still never had a late payment on any of our bills. We never ran out of food. Our car seemed to always have a half of a tank of gas, though we rarely had the money to put any in. It didn't add up on paper, it just was.

I failed to see any of that. I continued to live in the pit.

(This post is quite lengthly so I'll continue tomorrow.)

Pensive

2010-03-27T22:29:00.000-04:00

Hubs is working late, Samuel and I have watched Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry three times, and the Goldfish bag is nearly empty. I've just put Samuel to bed. He loves his crib. He has a favorite blanket that we call his "soft" and as I lay him down he actually gets giddy with excitement when I tuck him in with it. He snuggles down and pulls it up around his chin and giggles. He also sleeps with a small, fluffy, stuffed duck that quacks when it's foot is pressed. Sometimes he rolls over in the wee hours of the morning and a muffled "quack, quack, quack.. quack, quack, quack" floats out over the monitor. I smile.

Just now I'm snuggled in bed, typing away, listening to his sweet, even breaths fall. It takes every bit of self control I have not to run in his room, scoop him up, and cuddle and laugh and play just one more hour. It's a love so deep, in a place that I never knew existed. It's a gift from God, to love another so completely and deeply. I was thinking today about how many people told us to wait on children for five years, have X amount of dollars in savings, live out a good portion of our married life before considering having a baby. I'm so glad that we didn't wait. Don't get me wrong, the eighteen months we were childless were fantastic and full and we had a chance to grow into one another and learn to love... but our marriage was blessed above and beyond our wildest dreams with Samuel. He brought us even closer together. Our friendship and love is cemented in blood, sweat, tears, and poopy diapers.

My husband is a giver. He is one of the most humble and generous men that I know. He often takes PB&J to work each day of the week if our budget is a bit tight, just so that he can bring me home roses each Friday. This week's are pink and white striped, like peppermints. They remind me of sweetness and freshness and all of the good things in life. They remind me of him. He's so kind. Generous. Willing to put up with my often selfish habits. I feel unworthy of him.

Samuel is stirring and whispering. I love his whispers. Right now it sounds like this, "Mama, Dada, baba, Nana, oh, uh oh, OOOoooooooo." "Uh oh" and "oh" are his new words. He replies "oh" to nearly everything. "Samuel no, do not put that in your mouth". Big blue eyes look my way and say, "oh".

I'm going to unplug and read for awhile. I'm trying my hardest to stay awake until Stephen gets home and I think a good book will help, maybe the same one that kept me up until 1:15 this morning.

Recent Shoot

2010-03-27T21:44:00.000-04:00

Thought I'd share a few shots from a recent shoot:

Losing it: Week 5

2010-03-26T09:39:00.000-04:00

This week's Losing It Competition Update is brought to you by Salmonella, a genus of rod-shaped, Gram-negative, non-spore forming, predominantly motile enterobacteria with diameters around 0.7 to 1.5 µm, lengths from 2 to 5 µm, and flagella which project in all directions (i.e. peritrichous). (Taken from Wikipedia)

Thanks to our arch-nemesis, I lost 7 pounds in 48 hours. My baby weight has been vanquished, along with my fast food and restaurant addiction. I know I'll probably gain a bit of that back as I begin eating real food again, but it's been nice to see what I'll look like at my goal weight when I'm there permanently (the flabby tummy doesn't magically disappear... darn.)

Water: I've drank lots and lots and lots of water. I'm glad we're not in a drought at the moment.
Exercise: Well... yeah, if sprinting to the bathroom (and the drama that follows) can be considered exercise.
Calories: Ha. Ha.

To link up, head over to Giving up on Perfect!

Writer's Workshop

2010-03-25T10:07:00.001-04:00

Taking the week off from Writer's Workshop over at Mama Kat's. I'm still quite weak from this past weekend, and my mind is unable to string together anything even remotely profound. I'll still be checking in on everyone else's entries over the next few days.

Before and After

2010-03-25T09:29:00.004-04:00

Edited in Lightroom. Crop, WB correction, curves adjustment.

Better

2010-03-23T15:56:00.000-04:00

We're still alive and kicking, even though I felt that I was dying. Three blessings that came from our run in with salmonella from cheeseburgers at Mcdonalds:

1) We didn't get Samuel a burger. He didn't seem hungry so he only shared a few of our fries. God's protection was there for sure.

2) I lost all of my lingering baby weight... plus some. I can't believe how different I look. I'm still getting used to the new shape.

3) My fast food addiction is now a thing of the past.

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We're feeling much better. : )

Ugh

2010-03-20T23:54:00.002-04:00

My husband and I both have food poisoning. I'm not going to be around for a few days.

Burning out

2010-03-19T23:16:00.000-04:00

I've shot nearly 350 photos in the past week. Around 200 of those had to be soft edited. Out of that batch nearly 125 had to be fully edited, cropped, saved, resized for web, sharpened, saved again, and uploaded to a proofing site. I'm burned out, and I have two sessions tomorrow. My creativity seems to evaporate during sessions. I feel like I get the same shots, only with different people. Mediocre at best....

Just felt the need to rant. Whining about it makes me feel better. Will there be a day when I just arrive? Or will I always feel defeated and let down by my work?

I need a creativity boost. Point me somewhere.

Linkage

2010-03-19T13:58:00.000-04:00

This post was a reminder that I need everyday. With all my heart I want to embrace the Big Vision of motherhood.

Have you heard of Springpad? It's a organizational system that keeps track of all of those ideas and recipes and encouraging posts that get lost in my history. A few bloggers I follow have recommended it and I set up an account today. Anything to cut down computer time. I've been so frustrated when I've needed something bookmarked while out and about. There's now an app for that. It syncs your bookmarked items each time you plug in.

I'm hoping that I get this necklace for Mother's Day. I've been hinting.

I have a hankering to try these funnel cakes. Maybe tomorrow afternoon.

I'm going to be starting a very relaxed preschool program with Samuel in the fall. He's had a very structured schedule since his birth, and there are a few gaps in our day that need to be filled. I'm hoping that he'll be ready for a bit of relaxed learning by then. I'm sold on the Sonlight curriculum, and this idea has been added to my file.

Ever heard of Monkey Bread? Me neither, but it looks yummy.

This post by Stephanie is wonderful. It's so easy to waste away years wondering "What if?" or not being content in the place you are. Wonderful post.

Like I needed anything else to add to my baby fever.

Writer's Workshop: Underdog

2010-03-18T12:29:00.001-04:00

Her name was Amanda.

We were in eighth grade and she sat beside me during Math and Social Studies. We struck up a conversation at the beginning of the year about braces. I loathed mine and counted down the days until their removal on tiny slips of paper. One day my entire mouth was filled with wax and I could barely speak. My wires had been poking me and my mouth was sore. Amanda looked over at me with an almost wistful expression. "I wish I had braces."

"No you don't." I mumbled. "Braces were invented by the devil as a way for parents to legally punish their children. If they get ticked off at you they just set up an appointment for them to be tightened." Then I looked at her, really looked at her for the first time. She had an overbite and her front teeth crossed. She saw me looking and covered her mouth with her hand. "See what I mean?" she asked sheepishly.

At that moment I became her friend.

The social structure in our school was based entirely on the amount of money your family had. If you were dropped off in a luxury SUV less than two years old, wore Abercrombie, hosted sleepovers at your million dollar home and carried a pocket full of twenties and one hundred dollar bills then you were the creme d'la creme. They made up the majority of our class.

If you were dropped off in a non-luxury vehicle less than 4 years old, wore Abercrombie, AE, and a little bit of Target, hosted sleepovers in your nice but modest home, and carried a pocket full of ones and tens then you just existed.

If you weren't in one of those two groups you didn't exist at all.

I was in group two. Amanda didn't exist. She was laughed at every morning and afternoon when she was dropped off in a big rusted Suburban. Sometimes she wore the same clothes twice, and her shoes were dirty. She wore the same pair of Nikes all year long. Her hair was cut in one length all around her head and she wasn't allowed to wear makeup. She was the nicest person I knew.

They called her "dirty", "nasty", "homeless", and "trash" when they acknowledged her at all. She had tears rolling down her face as she walked to her Suburban most afternoons.

Towards the end of the year we were doing a project together in SS when we heard someone yelling our direction.

"Hey nasty girl, toss me the glue!"

I told her not to reply.

"NASTY, I TOLD YOU TO TOSS THE GLUE!!"

We didn't even turn our heads.

The girl came over to our table and grabbed Amanda by the shoulder. Amanda reached for the glue but I grabbed it before she could. I looked the girl square in the eye. "If you want it, apologize". She laughed. "I can ruin you life if I wanted to. You wanna be like her??" She eyed Amanda like a piece of garbage. I sat down without replying, glue in hand.

She grabbed my hand and tried to wrench the glue away.

I stood up, tossed the glue to the side, grabbed her shoulders and pushed her to the ground. "You are how you treat people. You're the trash."

Everyone laughed at her. A 4'11" eighty pound bookworm shrimp had just knocked Barbie to the ground. It was something everyone (including her own group) had wanted to do for a long time.

They still called Amanda names, and they sometimes laughed at me too. But they never asked either one of us for another glue stick.

I lost touch with her after school let out that year, and I haven't seen her since. I know she proved them all wrong though.

You Capture: Reaching

2010-03-18T11:48:00.001-04:00

I love finding new blogs. One of my favorites that I've stumbled upon from the past few weeks is I Should Be Folding Laundry. She hosts a photo share every Thursday called You Capture. This week's theme is "reaching", and there's a little boy around our house who's been doing a lot of reaching lately.

This keeps him occupied for several hours a day. It brings me joy to see that he seems to have my love of piano.

To join in on this week's You Capture click below.

Before and After

2010-03-18T11:02:00.001-04:00

Both images were taken in RAW. I recently made the jump to RAW and I love it. It gives me a safety net when I don't hit the exposure right on (something I struggle with). I did a traditional processing on the first using a curves adjustment and exposure boost in Lightroom. Rounded edges added in PSE.

I wanted to do something a bit funky with the second, so I adjusted the exposure and curves in Lightroom and then added a free preset I found somewhere online. Rounded edges added in PSE.

Since actually learning how to use Lightroom my processing time is now a quarter of what it used to be. I love adjusting all of my images in LR, resizing while exporting, and then just doing a quick sharpen or other small adjustment in PSE. I re-processed all of the maternity photos that I mentioned a few posts ago and they came out so beautiful. I'll post a few soon.

To see more Before and Afters, visit the blog hop at Pixel Perfect!

The Trenches

2010-03-17T12:17:00.000-04:00

I've been in the trenches of motherhood since Thursday. Samuel is getting four teeth in at once, and he's making sure everyone can feel his pain. On top of the teething, daylight savings time has thrown him for a loop and his schedule is shot to smithereens. Bedtime morphed from 7:30 into 9:30 and his usual wake up time is now 7:00 am instead of 8:30. Naptime is whenever he falls asleep crying from overexhaustion.

I realized this week that I'm not ready for a second child.

Props to our close friends that have a baby every year (they're up to 5), Mrs. Duggar, and all Quiverfull families everywhere. When they were handing out gold medals in Vancouver, you should have been the first in line. Seriously, what is curling compared to loading 3-4 children in carseats? These moms laugh in the face of cross-country skiing and figure skating. Mrs. Duggar can probably do a triple axle with a baby in each arm and a smile on her face. I wish I was as composed with one as she is with 19 (and she really is, I've met their family IRL- one of my friends is Josh's wife's brother's wife [sister's husband's mother's cousin- are you still following?]).

On a side note, for my take on the Quiverfull issue read here. Amy explains perfectly, and I agree 100%.

In the midst of this outbreak of insanity, I'm planning the BIG FIRST BIRTHDAY party. Here's how that's gone down:

Me: Hi, do you happen to have an opening for a birthday party on April 3rd?
Gymboree: ::laughing:: Ummm, no. We're booked several months in advance. Can you choose another date? In June?
Me: No thanks, I think June is a bit late to celebrate an April birthday. Maybe next year.

Me: Hi, is April 3rd available for a birthday party?
George the Train Coordinator: No, I'm sorry April 3rd is opening day for George the Train and we're booked solid. Could you possibly choose another date? We have Wednesday available.
Me: No thank you, maybe next year.

:: Franticly googles::

Me: Hi, do you have on opening for a birthday party for April 3rd?
Zoo Birthday Party Coordinator: Yes we do! How old is the child?
Me: ::excitedly writing 'zoo animal favors' on my post it:: He'll be turning one.
Zoo Birthday Party Coordinator: I'm sorry, we only offer birthday parties for children 4-11. It's our policy.
Me: ::momentarily speechless:: Thank you for your time.

This conversation is repeated with the Children's Museum, panic rising.

My current brainstorm is to have the actual party at a local park, then visit the zoo afterward. Not as fun as the "animal encounter" that comes with the zoo party, but I think we can make it work.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Katydid Pocket Diapers

2010-03-16T12:13:00.000-04:00

I picked up six Katydids from Baby Half Off last Saturday and I must say, they're the new favorite around here. The fit is wonderful, and we've had no leakage (and that's saying a lot since we've had some rather yucky diapers with the teething thing the past few days). I can't wait to pick up more and finish off our stash (and for $9/diaper and 2 inserts it was a steal). I officially declare that they are better than Bumgenius. I'll update on the wear and tear in a few months.

Oh, and if you're not a fan of Baby Half Off on facebook, or if you're not following their twitter updates then you're really missing out. I've picked up some awesome stuff over there since they opened last spring.

In the Middle of the Night

2010-03-15T04:21:00.000-04:00

When I was pregnant I had a terrible time sleeping. I'd wake up around 2 am without fail and find things to keep me occupied until 7 or so when I'd fall into bed exhausted and fitfully sleep for a few hours. Sometimes I'd just lay there while the hours ticked slowly by and think about my baby. I'd imagine our routine, counting down the days until I'd hold him in my arms. After he was born I was up most of the night. I exclusively pumped because of some issues that we were having, and I had to pump every 3 hours around the clock to keep my supply, though it finally dwindled in the second month regardless of my efforts. During those first couple of months Samuel would always wake just before I pumped and I'd pick him up from his bassinet and grab a cold bottle from the fridge and return to bed and feed him. His wide eyes would find mine and we would just be. In those lonely hours I felt that we two were the only souls awake on earth (obviously not so, but...). Then I would lay him on the bed between Stephen and I while I did my pumping routine and by the time I was finished he would be fast asleep. I'd return him to his bassinet and watch his long lashes graze his cheeks. It was pure wonder.

When I gave up pumping and he moved to his crib it was bittersweet. He only woke up once or twice a night, just a quick feeding and then back to sleep. I missed our middle of the night time together. Though I was exhausted, I would still stay up an hour or two after he was finished with his feeding. Once I woke up I was in Mommy mode, regardless of how tired I was. He finally settled in to one feeding a night and my dear husband began getting up for it so that I would get more rest. I've only had bouts of insomnia twice since then. Once a few months ago I woke up around 3 and gave up trying to coax my body back to sleep so I just made out my grocery list and did our weekly shopping at 4 am at our local 24 hour Walmart. And tonight. I've been tossing and turning since midnight...thoughts and memories flashing across my mind like a drive-in screen. I thought that maybe if I ordered my thoughts a bit and wrote a few things down that I could sleep a bit.

I photographed my first maternity session on Friday. I'm not happy with the results. The lighting wasn't quite right, and we fit in two locations in around 25 minutes trying to beat the rain. It began pouring just as we reached our cars. I feel like I stink and one of the things I love the most. The post processing is killing me. The images are so red. I've processed them twice already and I gave her the second set looking for some time of affirmation and I just didn't get it. I'm not sure if she really liked them or not, and that bothers me. It was a free practice session, but I'm a perfectionist and it killed me to mess them up so terribly. I have 7 sessions booked in the next 2 weeks and I'm afraid that I'm going to wreck every one of them.

I miss my tiny baby. I can't believe that he's turning ONE in only two weeks. It's unbelievable. Things are much, much easier than they were 9 months (and even 3 months) ago, but I miss the itty bitty stage. He's so independent now, and very much a Daddy's boy. How did that happen??

I've felt a bit off kilter lately...

I think I might be able to catch a few ZZZ's now.

Goodnight.

Losing It: Week 3

2010-03-12T10:05:00.000-05:00

This was an okay week. I feel pretty good about my eating choices, and I lost nearly a pound. I feel really good where I'm at, and I think with five more pounds I'll be at a good weight. After my last lose it and then gain it back (plus more) disaster a few months ago I'm embracing the wisdom of the tortoise: slow and steady keeps the weight off.

I may not be down to my pre-baby weight by the big first birthday, but I'm okay with that now. I'm making good choices, I'm slowly pulling myself out of the pit of gratification eating, and I feel good. It'll come off. When I look in the mirror after a shower I don't feel hopeless about my maternity stomach and (thankfully fading) stretch marks. I don't freak out over the bit of cellulite. Wanna know why? Because I look better than I did when I started this challenge, and I know that I'm going to look even better at the end. Even if it's a small change, I'm pulling myself out of the pit of mental despair over my body image.

And yesterday I tried on a flirty spring skirt in the back of my closet....and it zipped.

Goal Progress:
Water- drinking like a fish
Calories- I did fairly well with calories. I'm staying around 1400, and that works for me.
Exercise- Did great earlier in the week, struggled towards the end of the week because of the rain. Who wants to exercise (even indoors) in the middle of monsoon weather?

Check out Mary's blog Giving Up on Perfect for more!

Writer's Workshop: Ordinary Day

2010-03-11T10:27:00.000-05:00

Small voice, big love

Over monitor floats

The day begins

Scrambled eggs

In his tiny hands

Squishy food

Naptime is a balm

To a harried Mommy soul

Love is patient, kind

Do you hear the sound

Of Daddy on the sidewalk

Our circle is whole

We snuggle tonight

Giggles, Tickles and Smiles

Singing you to sleep

The assignment for the workshop this week was Haiku. The last three are traditional, but I took a bit of leeway with the first two. 4-6-4 and 3-5-3 can't be considered Haiku in the strictest sense, but it's okay to bend the rules sometimes...right?

ETA: After reading several of the other entries to the workshop I realize that I have completely butchered the Haiku form. My apologies to all Haiku writers everywhere. I'm tempted to cowardly remove this post, but I've already entered.

Tasty Kitchen

2010-03-10T12:11:00.000-05:00

So... I know that we all love Ree. I have nearly 60 blogs in my reader, but she is one of my faves. Not only does she give away loads of awesome stuff (I haven't won yet, but one day my friends...one day), she also posts some of the best butter slathered, artery clogging, down home, feel good recipes ever. That's my kind of cooking. The secret: moderation and self control... neither of which I have when it comes to food, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't. My Dad and paternal grandparents are British, and I can remember my grandmother making roast beef and Yorkshire pudding with pan drippings and souse. Yes, souse. And if you don't know what it is, save yourself and do not Google it. I was also raised in the South. My maternal grandmother fries chicken in Crisco. It's goooood. My genes crave carbs and cholesterol. Point: I love PW's recipes. I stood in line for the cookbook.

During my entire love affair with PW, I've never clicked over to her recipe site Tasty Kitchen. I try to par down my computer time to the bare minimum, and I usually read through my entire reader in 20 minutes or so. Today I clicked. I'm so glad that I did because this post is awesome. I really want to make homemade vanilla extract, but I don't know if I have the gumption to carry a 750ml bottle of vodka through the grocery store of our very Southern Baptist tiny town, while carrying my 11 month old on my hip and sporting a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I've already whipped up the baking mix though, and pizza sauce and ricotta cheese are on my list.

We're trying hard to get out of the restaurant habit, and I've made it my personal goal to eat at home for 14 days in a row. Two down, twelve to go. I've been looking for creative recipes so that I don't burn out, and Tasty Kitchen will keep me busy for a while. I'm thinking about extending my self imposed challenge to 30 days. Can I stay away from the #10 at McD's for 30 days?? We'll see how the two weeks goes. It will certainly help me out with the Losing It challenge.

Gathering

2010-03-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

I was burdened today. The passing of sweet Layla Grace has had caused me to dwell on the ordering of my priorities. I squeezed Samuel tight in honor of Shanna and Ryan. The past year has flown by. I wish I could gather the fragments and bottle them... shelve them...pull them out again when I'm old and grey and relive them. I want to stop time and stay here, in this place, in this time.

We had a hot dog dinner in the park this evening. We sat on our blanket and played and ate the best potato salad and watched the sun set and stayed and tried the swings until the crisp breeze drove us to our car. I wanted to capture every giggle, every look, every touch... every moment of firsts and every last drop of sheer joy. It's my way of bottling it up, you see. When I'm old and grey I'll flip these pages. All of these small hours will fit in a few photo albums, and I will live today one million times. It won't be the same though. The photos will be faded. I'll have trouble remembering the feeling of his small hand in mine. The baby will no longer be a baby.

But still...

I'll continue to gather.

For Layla Grace:

And with your final heartbeat

Kiss the world goodbye

Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side

Fly to Jesus

Fly to Jesus, and live.

-Chris Rice

Overkill

2010-03-09T09:55:00.000-05:00

No matter how enthused I become with photography, I never want to become this guy:

Ummmmm....yeah. Shared by Drew B on her trip to Disney. Could you imagine carrying that honkin' lens around a theme park?

Day at the Park

2010-03-08T17:36:00.000-05:00

My mom and I have begun walking a mile or two at the park everyday. After our walk today Samuel tried out the swings and toddler slide.

We needed a new routine to add to our day. Stephen brought me home a Frosty from Wendy's, so I'm glad I walked that mile. On a side note, I'm really sorry for all of the reworked posts and test posts the past couple of days. I figured out my color issue and I was trying to make sure I had it completely worked out. I think I do. Ever since I started using Lightroom I've had trouble with how my images look on Blogger and flickr. I realized that my color profile was being changed every time I exported from Lightroom to PS or vise versa. I'm still not completely happy with how they look on the web, but I'm tweaking a bit every time I process a new batch, and I'm getting there.

Hope everyone had a marvelous day! G'night.

365 Numbers 11-15

2010-03-06T18:14:00.000-05:00

I've missed a lot of days, so I'm going to do myself a favor and catch up a bit so I don't get discouraged. I'm still working on my focus, so these are a bit lacking. The sunlight was golden this afternoon. I felt summer.

This clothesline (minus the line, I had to take it down because it was moldy) is begging for freshly washed sheets.

It's good to see green grass again, even though my focus fell wonky.

Before and After

2010-03-05T13:38:00.000-05:00

I decided to pick my two worst images from this week and try to salvage them for a bit of a challenge.

Edited in Lightroom and PE5. Tweaked the exposure and did a vintage conversion.

Edited in Lighroom and PE5. I fiddled with the exposure until it was abstract enough for me, and then added a slight vignette to bring out the blue in the sky. I loved the look of snow falling against a blue sky.

To see more visit the blog hop at Pixel Perfect.

Writer's Workshop: Leaving

2010-03-05T13:04:00.000-05:00

Backstory: I found Mama Kat's Writers Workshop through the Vanderbilt Wife, and I was thrilled to find that it's an open workshop. I'm an education junkie. I could have been a lifetime college student had my husband not dragged me away and begged me to marry him (for which I'm exceedingly grateful). I taught myself to read when I was four using books on tape, and I can remember the feeling of "knowing" that swept over me the exact moment I read my first sentence. I had a rough childhood (we'll avoid the details) and I avoided as much of reality as possible by living through books. With the love of reading came a love of writing, though I stink at it. I've never felt comfortable with my writing skills, so I'm hoping that this workshop will help me become a better blogger. Here goes.

A difficult conversation.

"So you're leaving?" Rebecca dug the toe of her flip flop in the flower bed and looked at me sideways.
"Yeah... I've got to get away from here. I need to find myself. I don't even know who I am anymore." I whispered as I stared at her feet. We stood on the big hill, looking down at everything we had come to know as life. Our foundation laid before us, and I had just caused the very first crack.
"What will I do without you?" she asked.
"You'll find yourself too, Bec." I looked at her hard. "My whole life is ahead of me. It's waiting for me. I know there's something bigger than this."
She looked back at me. "I know too."
I grabbed her hand. "One day you'll leave. I'll be waiting for you on the other side. I know they'll talk, but I want you to promise me that you'll never shun me. We'll still see each other, we just won't tell them. This Saturday we'll still go to Arby's and then go up to the big rock. I'll pick you up."
She smiled. "I'm jealous."
I began walking down the hill. When I made it to my car I looked up. "Don't be", I yelled. "It's a big world."
I drove down the long driveway and took a left. It was the beginning.

The scene described here really happened, and it was the beginning. My whole life changed that day.

Losing it: Week 2

2010-03-05T08:40:00.000-05:00

I skipped out on Week 1 because I was a big slug and had too many frappes and overindulged at Monterreys and felt like Jabba the Hutt. This week was better. I downloaded the "Lose It" app from itunes and it's been great helping me keep up with my calories. It has a searchable database of brands, restaurants, and whole foods. We eat out a lot (read: nearly every night). It's bad. I know. Before we were married we both had incredibly busy lives and obviously ate out the majority of the time. We got out of the habit when the economy went bottom up 18 months ago, but one dinner out a week turned into two... you get the idea. We're trying to kick the habit (and add to our savings with a vengeance) and the Lose It app is helping me do that. Want to eat at home more? Look up the calories for fried rice at PF Changs.

Week 2 Progress:
Water: 10 cup goal reached.
Calories: I bumped my calories down to 1000. Goal (almost) reached. *A commenter let me know that it's not a good idea to go that low, so I'm going to stay a bit above 1200 from now on.*
Exercise: I crashed and burned here. Maybe today I'll get back on the wagon.
Weight lost: 1.5 pounds, but it could just be a fluctuation.

In Anne Shirley fashion, "Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it". I'll try harder throughout the coming week. How is everyone else doing? Make sure you swing by Giving up on Perfect and link up!

Snow Day

2010-03-03T13:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a snow day, and in snow day fashion the entire south shut down and Stephen's office closed early.

So we napped, and avoided laundry (see right of photo) and I contemplated finally ridding our living room of "the ugly striped chair" aka "what was I thinking when I paid $100 for that monstrosity"? We have a furniture fund. It's slowly growing.

It was so nice having an extra family day. I love my boys.

We're not snow hysteria people (Stephen's used to snow that's measured by the foot) so we braved the blizzard and went out to dinner. This is me. Yes, I'm in my mid-twenties. Most of the time annoyed that I look so young, but it'll come in handy one of these days. My mom has the same blessing/curse (her photo is 10 or so posts down). She'll be 50 this month.

That's my grandmother on the right. She celebrated her 75th birthday last summer. On the left is our friend Ethel, and she's turning 100 next week.

See, it runs in the family. And if I look as good as my grandmother does at 75, I'll be happy.

10/365

2010-03-02T12:41:00.000-05:00

Snowing buckets. In March. In SC. The world is officially coming to an end.

365

2010-03-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

8/365

9/365

Linkage

2010-02-23T18:53:00.000-05:00

Kelly shared this today and I wanted to post it here so I don't forget it. Kelly is the sweetest blogger I read, and this reminds me so much of her. She has such a wonderful testimony. I was encouraged by this, and I wanted to make sure I don't lose it among my various bookmarks.

7/365

2010-02-21T18:30:00.000-05:00

What's been keeping me alive since Thursday. I'm so sick.

Samuel Playing Guitar

2010-02-20T22:19:00.000-05:00

Samuel "playing" guitar with Daddy from Christy Morris on Vimeo.

Samuel was running a bit of a fever tonight, so he's wearing just the dipe for now. My husband learned to play guitar growing up, and Samuel loves when he gets it out and plays with him.

The Elephant in the Room

2010-02-19T21:53:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that I have 12 pounds of baby weight hanging around.... almost a year later. I whine about it to any female friend that will listen, and I cry when my dear husband buys me a dress when he's out and I try it on and... and... ~~it won't zip~~ the stupid zipper is broken. And I detest checking my facebook after an event (or non-event) because surely there will be at least 10 photos tagged of me that make me look less than stellar. I stumbled across this blog today on Google reader and I want to give it a go. I lost about 7 pounds a month ago, but I've gained it all back. Blah. There's nothing like wearing a few cute outfits from the glory days and then trying them on a few weeks later and ~~it won't zip~~ every single zipper is malfunctioning. Today is probably not the best day to mentally prepare for this challenge since I'm currently battling a cold/strep throat/typoid fever. But I realize it's now or never. Who knows, maybe I'll kick it up a notch and lose most of it before the big first birthday.

Here are my goals:

Drink 10-12 cups of water a day.
Stay under 1200 calories.
Exercise four times a week.
Lose 10 pounds during the competition.
Choose my calories wisely. My downfall is eating the Death by Chocolate and skipping dinner.

Anyone else up for the challenge? Or am I the only one with the muffin top?

If I meet my goals I'm going to treat myself to an amazingly awesome Shey B* camera strap. I'm feeling better already.

6/365

2010-02-17T18:21:00.000-05:00

Trey

2010-02-17T17:54:00.000-05:00

My little (16 year old) brother, Trey. He hit me up for a few shots for his facebook page. Like sister, like brother.

Lyssa

2010-02-16T09:19:00.001-05:00

After I finished Carly's practice shoot yesterday, her friend Lyssa asked for a few to send to her grandmother. She reminds me so much of myself when I was her age. I'm a very petite person, and I looked 12 until I was 20. In my wedding photos I look like a child bride. : ) Without further ado:

I wasn't a fan of using the rose at all, especially not for every shot, but 17 year old girls are seriously stubborn. They both said they needed something to do with their hands. I'm still working on the "lifestyle" aspect of portraiture. If anyone has any tips, please share!

Carly- Practice Senior Shoot

2010-02-15T21:35:00.000-05:00

My little sister just had to have (you know, in that way that 17 year olds just have to have) me take a few photos this afternoon when I popped in for a visit. I took it as an opportunity to practice up for her senior session.

Pretend

2010-02-15T10:26:00.000-05:00

Samuel's new favorite toy: the box. Can't believe his first birthday is only six weeks away...

I may have an announcement later today. ; )

5/365

2010-02-15T08:58:00.000-05:00

Lindt Petits Desserts. Oh. My.

4/365

2010-02-14T15:45:00.001-05:00

3/365

2010-02-12T16:37:00.000-05:00

Snowing here again this afternoon. We've had snow weekly for the past 5 weeks. Quite unusual here in the South. I snapped this photo around 4 pm. It's now 4:37 and our yard is covered by approximately an inch.

Utter Sadness

2010-02-11T21:45:00.000-05:00

Please read the post here before continuing.

I saw this linked on another blog. As I read I cried. I didn't watch the video. I could barely stand to look at the pictures (they will not be posted here, why I asked you to check the link). Why are these children being treated this way? Why are they being farmed out, sold to the highest bidder, taught that their bodies are to be fodder instead of precious treasures? Why are these parents not charged with child abuse? Surely it's abuse, teaching a young girl that she is worthless. I see girls like these every day. They have no self esteem. No self worth. They believe they're unwanted as a person. They're dried up and used up before the age of 20.

Buy these clothes, let your children watch these shows and you are contributing to the problem. You are helping these parents contribute to the emotional and mental abuse. Please don't. Please.

Teach your daughters that they are worth more. Oh, so much more. Worth more to humanity, worth more to God, and worth more to their future husbands. I'm weeping.

2/365

2010-02-11T16:08:00.001-05:00

Before and After

2010-02-11T12:17:00.000-05:00

I had an impromptu photoshoot with my lovely mother yesterday. She wanted a quick photo to give my Dad for Valentines.

Before:

After:

Added a soft light layer, and did a bit of cloning around the eyes, and I covered her bra strap on the right. I think that the undereyes are a bit overprocessed, but it's what she wanted. She still looks amazing for being nearly 50. All edits done in PSE.

1/365

2010-02-10T15:17:00.000-05:00

SOOC, besides sharpen for web and corners. 50 mm, ISO 200 f/1.8 1/200

Clickin' Moms

2010-02-03T11:59:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Stephen bought me a membership to Clickin' Moms.

Sidenote: Isn't he the sweetest husband ever?! He's has a giving heart, and is as romantic as they come. He usually brings me home a dozen roses each week (it's a tradition since our dating days- he's always called me his little red rose), but yesterday he treated me to the membership instead since last week's roses are still looking fabulous. He used to pair the roses with a box of Rochers but I had to stop him because of my ever widening hips/backside.

Back to regular programming: I wanted to give a quick heads up. Right now Clickn' Moms is giving 50% off any new membership with the code GROUNDHOG (only available to the first 30 users- there are a few left). I checked it out a bit last night and this morning and there is a good bit of valuable information on the forums. I probably wouldn't pay full price for a membership, but 50% off of a year membership is an excellent deal, and it'll get you headed in the right direction shooting manually etc.

10 Months Old

2010-02-02T22:01:00.000-05:00

Samuel, you're 10 months old today!

Ten months ago I saw you and felt love in a deep a place that I didn't know existed.

Ten months ago I cried.

Ten months ago a med student got sick during the c-section and had to sit outside the OR in the "Daddy chair".

Ten months ago Dr. C pulled you out saying and everyone in the OR exclaimed, "He's so handsome!".

You squealed and kicked and turned bright red. The nurse handed you to your Daddy and you smiled.

Ten months ago you cried while laying in your tiny hospital bassinet. I placed my hand upon your chest and tried to climb out of the hospital bed (stitches pulling and legs wobbly like Jello) to pick you up. You looked at me with that look that only you have, and you smiled.

Today you have SIX teeth.

You "cruise" along furniture, and can stand up for a few seconds without holding on.

You're into everything. You're curious and you love to explore.

Your favorite toy is your Laugh and Learn home.

You've been waking up once a night (between 3 and 6 am) and you love to sleep in late.

You're a picky eater. You dislike oranges, and anything orange flavored.

You saw your first snow!! Didn't play in it (too much ice) but you enjoyed standing at the front door watching it fall.

You have a wonderful personality. You're happy most of the time, you cry very little. You're easy going, and you have an adorable dimply smile.

The time has passed too quickly. I miss my tiny baby, but I'm having fun keeping up with you.

You're our sunshine.

We love you more each day.

Love, Mommy

Blogger is still not uploading photos. I'll try.to add later if I remember. I'm considering switching to Wordpress.

Review: Plain Pursuit by Beth Wiseman

2010-01-30T14:46:00.000-05:00

This is a review for Booksneeze.

After a life changing event, Carly wants to find peace. She takes a break from her journalism career and looks to the Amish community, and her newly converted Amish friend Lillian. Seeking the peace that they have she spends a month visiting Lancaster. As she settles Lillian's stepson falls terribly ill. Carly knows he needs intervention, but the one person who can help him has been shunned. Her eyes are opened to the practice of shunning and eventually the blessing of full forgiveness. She faces her past and finds peace with her future and her life is changed in far greater ways than she would have ever imagined.

I'm quite wary of Amish literature, because most of it is a badly written and uneducated. Beverly Lewis is an exception to that and I must say that this author is as well. I was expecting a low quality romance, and was surprised to enjoy a well written book. The plot is interesting, the characters are dynamic, and the ending is wonderful. The dialogs could be improved. Several scenes were lacking emotion and they failed to portray the reality of the situation.This book lacks the "pull-you-in" description of a Beverly Lewis novel, but in all other aspects she's spot on, adding her own style to a very good book. I'm excited to read more from Beth Wiseman, especially from this series.

Capturing the Light

2010-01-19T08:55:00.000-05:00

Samuel had a rough night, up every few hours with a fever. Teething? Or sick? I hate not knowing. It's hard to trust. Blogging opens up so many doors to meet people, to read their stories, to know their lives. There are so many sick children out there. So many with cancer, so many with parents barely living... barely breathing through the pain. When I read the stories that pain reaches out and grips me. And I'm afraid. When the fevers come I my body steadies for the worst. A bruise is magnified in my eyes. I tug myself back into reality, and trust. Trusting that even if the worst ever came by our home, we would have grace to stand, and grace to know that it's okay.

In between our snuggle/rocking sessions I've been learning so much about photography. I have a newfound love of capturing the light. I try to break it down as a science, and then I must backtrack and remember that it's an art. More than that even... it's emotion. It's an expression of so many things that can't be said or explained. When you capture the light, it can be felt. I find myself coming back to the same photos over and over. It's the emotion that draws me. Music has the same effect. Emotions pour from my fingers when I'm playing. The black keys tug the solemn, the pensive. The white keys bring out the joy. I'm growing through photography. I know some would find it strange that I can connect God even with taking photos, but when I capture the light I've captured His light. I'm close to Him. It's a gift... almost being let in on a secret. When the shutter clicks my mind spins and wonders about when He framed the worlds ex nihilo. When He spoke, and light flooded the universe. He gives me just a tiny share in my black box, and I'm so very thankful.

Bloom

2010-01-14T16:10:00.000-05:00

I'm participating in the second round of the Bloom Book Club.

I'm so excited about the book choice. I just received mine today, thanks to a very generous donor. As of yesterday I was #20 on the waiting list at our local library system (I started out in the 30's though!) and I was afraid I wasn't going to make the January 24th start date.

A special thank you to the anonymous donor who made it possible for me to join. I'm a read-a-holic, and I'm so excited to be a part of this installment of Bloom!

Please join!

Hibernating

2010-01-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

It's been strangely frigid here in the South for the past several weeks, and Samuel and I have been in a hibernation phase of sorts. We've been staying in our jammies till well past 2 in the afternoon, and basically puttering around. It's been a nice break, but we're both a bit crazed from being indoors so much. We're eagerly awaiting the permanent return of the minivan for daytime use.

I'm hoping that warmer weather will coincide with hubs finally picking out a new vehicle. Samuel and I have a big day planned out on the town. I never really thought we could make it this long as a one car family. I'm proud of us.

Will pop back in when I have fresh news to share. For now, we're just snuggling up the cold winter days.

Please forgive the quality of these snapshots. I sold my Canon P&S in preparation for the arrival of my D90. These were taken with a 7 year old HP that doesn't even zoom. : )

Bulletin Board 1/13/09

2010-01-13T12:00:00.000-05:00

Around the home:

How to make a fluffy felt rosette wreath (I hope to make one of these to freshen up our spring decor)

With a matching pillow: Pillow with rosette clusters

I'll also be sewing up a few of these for Samuel

And these will be party favors for the grandparents at Samuel's first birthday party

Adorable envelopes to freshen up our cash only system

Recipes:

Andes Mint Cookies

Cinnamon Raisin French Toast

Green Chili Rice

Black Forest Bars

Homeade Pop Tarts

Spinach Artichoke Dip Casserole

For the Mums:

Be Careful Little Eyes

Dwell on:

Legalism

Book Review: The Language of Love and Respect

2010-01-12T14:17:00.000-05:00

This is a book review for Booksneeze

I've only been married for two years, but in that time I've read a plethora of books on relationship and marriage. I feel that marriage takes work, and we should take advantage of those resources that can help our marriage to be the best it can be. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs's book The Language of Love & Respect was an excellent resource. You don't have to be familiar with his previous book Love and Respect in order to glean from this study. He breaks down all of the principles in the first chapter of this book. I've never read the first book, so I was unaware of cycles of marriage. Learning about the Energizing Cycle, the Crazy Cycle, and the Reward Cycle was a fresh way of looking at the different phases of marriage. This book breaks down in a non patriarchal way how to use the language of respect toward your husband to stay out of the Crazy Cycle.

I found the overuse of acronyms slightly annoying, but I did find that they were a help in remembering what actions to take when you find yourself slipping from the goal of being a respectful wife. I didn't like the constant change of Bible versions. Even though I looked up all of the verses in KJV, it seemed that by switching versions so much he was trying to make a point that wasn't really there. Some of the book was quite repetitive.

Regardless, this book has a place on my keeper shelf. It challenged me to be a respectful wife, and I'm sure it will be a repeat read.

Weekend

2010-01-11T13:54:00.000-05:00

Our weekend wasn't a weekend in the sense of several fun-filled, relaxing days. Stephen worked all day Saturday and 3/4ths of the day Sunday (stinks, I know) while Samuel and I snuggled at home counting down to the wonderful day when we will again be a two vehicle family. A few folks have questioned our reasoning behind not immediately replacing our recently deceased car. The answer: We don't finance anything that is considered consumable. The only thing that we would consider financing (excepting a dire emergency) is real estate. So we save, save, save, pray for a good deal, and pay cash for our purchases. We don't feel that others who finance are wrong at all, we just don't like the idea of being in debt. We have friends and family who finance multiple cars, and have several credit cards and manage it all very well. It's just not for us.

So we're continuing to save and we're keeping an eye out for a great deal, and hopefully we'll be purchasing a truck for Stephen soon. I'm excited for what the future holds.

I can't wait to really delve into the world that is photography. I'm basically teaching myself through flickr streams, and I'll be second shooting my first wedding in April. I'm a bit nervous about it. I'm excited to gain experience, but the thought of shooting weddings terrifies me. I'll also be doing several practice senior shoots for my sister and a few of her friends. I hope to use these shoots to build a portfolio and launch a photography website. I would love for the extra income (if there is any) to be a blessing to our home. It'd be so nice to take a special trip or go on a special outing without having to worry about taking out of the general fund.

Hold onto your hats. I'm practicing up now, and soon I'll be back with some photos that need constructive criticism.

Nine Months

2010-01-07T14:03:00.000-05:00

Samuel- You're nine months old!

You are now the proud owner of 3 (almost 4) teeth.

You can crawl faster than I can keep up.

You can walk while holding on to something.

You like to feed yourself. You won't let anyone besides Mommy feed you with a spoon.

You still wake up once (sometimes twice) a night for a bottle.

You can drink out of a sippy cup (but you prefer your bottle).

Your favorite foods are bananas, all types of bread/rolls, pizza, fries, carrots, fried rice, banana oatmeal, lima beans and puffs.

You refuse to hold your own bottle. You like it propped up

for you, but you will hold a sippy cup.

You wear size 12 month comfortably.

You like to be in bed by 8 pm. You rarely stay up late.

You usually sleep until 8 am.

You hate the cold.

You love dogs of every kind.

You love to pull EVERYTHING out of any cabinet/drawer you see.

You love your Daddy. Between Daddy and Mommy, you'll choose Daddy every time. And Mommy is ok with that because she has you all to herself every weekday.

You can say Mama, Dada, baba, baby, Nanny (that's what you call Grandma Sandy), goody (that's what you call snacks), and hey. You babble quite a few words, but you know what each of those mean.

You have trouble sitting through church, but you love playing in the nursery with the other babies.

You're very strong willed, but once you learn not to do something, you're very obedient.

You chew on EVERYTHING! Sometimes I think you're worse than a puppy. You love to seek out electrical cords and chew them until you get caught.

You love "playing" guitar with Daddy, and you often sit on his lap and play during song time at church.

You're the best baby in the entire world, and your Mommy and Daddy are the most blessed parents on earth.

We love you Samuel

2010

2010-01-01T10:30:00.000-05:00

The ball has dropped, the calendar has turned. Another year is gone. When I was growing up it seemed that the years were longer, the days were longer, even the hours and individual moments seemed longer. Now life passes in a blur, albeit a very colorful blur. I remarked on Facebook last night that life is good. I'm truly blessed to be a wife, mother, and child of God. Those three sum up my life right now. It's a good life. My two regrets for 2009: I didn't spend enough time with God, and I didn't spend enough time with Samuel. How can that be? I'm a stay at home mother. Even if life slowed to a crawl, even then I wouldn't feel like I had spent enough time with him. Holding him, rocking him to sleep, crawling around mooing (currently a favorite), feeding him, giving him kisses from head to toe.

I'm not sure what it is about the New Year that causes us all to wish resolutions, and expect a magnificent change just because the calendar has run out of pages. Maybe because we have an ending point. We can mentally bag up all of the goals unreached in 2009, all of the failures, and chuck them into the hole named 2009. It's a fresh start- mentally anyway.

So here is my mental list of things I hope to accomplish:

Lose the baby weight (15 lbs)

Consistently have personal devotions each morning

Get completely dressed and fix hair each morning

Stick to a meal plan

Begin couponing again

Be an encouragement to my husband

Soak in every moment of motherhood

Open our home to hospitality

Give more of myself each day

Have everything ready for Sunday mornings the night before

Learn photography as an art, and open up a side photography business

There it is. Will these things be accomplished? We shall see.

Another change for 2010- I'll be using this blog more as a family journal. So expect photographs and boring captures of our day to follow soon. If I'm taking the time to blog, I want it to be something that's treasured by our family.

I want to be honest and real. I want my personality to shine through. And at the end, whenever that may be, I want to look back and see that it's been a good life.

Let's begin- sans photos till I get my new camera, k?

Last night we went to our favorite restaurant (see where the meal planning needs to come in?) and had the best homestyle Japanese in Greenville. The tables are sticky, the plates are plastic, and the chopsticks come wrapped in badly translated paper, but it's the best EVER! We were going to swing by Target and pick up a few thinks, but Samuel decided to let us know (in a very direct way) that it was bedtime. Upon coming home he decided to stay up till ten and attack every electrical cord in the house. When he finally went to bed Stephen went out to grab us celebratory $1 sundaes only to discover that McD's was closed. Were we the only ones that forgot it was New Year's Eve?

I fell asleep sideways across the bed in a heap of exhaustion, and didn't awake until 9, when Samuel was ready to get up (Stephen must have pushed me over into my spot sometime in the middle of the night). We're taking a lazy day, just relaxing and spending time together. I love 3 day weekends- it's such a blessing having my husband home an extra day. I truly value our friendship and the spice he adds to life.

So that just about wraps it up. Happy New Year- hoping yours is blessed beyond measure!

More New Years Resolutions here, at Kelly's Korner SHOW US YOUR LIFE!

One Willow Lightroom Presets

2009-12-28T20:53:00.000-05:00

Jennifer at One Willow Photography is giving away a set of her amazing Retro Candy Lightroom presets here. Please click to enter, and check out this talented photographer.

2009-12-25T22:41:00.000-05:00

{But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.} Luke 2:19

Wishing a pensive Christmas to all those far and near, that we will truly celebrate the mysterious wonder Who is Christ.

Happy Birthday to the Word made Flesh.

Bulletin Board 12/14/09

2009-12-16T19:48:00.000-05:00

Some linkage that I would like to bookmark here:

Recipes:

Homemade Hot Fudge Sauce

Coconut Tres Leches Hot Chocolate

Crafts:

Muffin Tin Crayons

The Minivan Express

Mothering:

How do I teach obedience?

Obedience

Love Covers All

20 Gratitude Attitudes

Marriage and the Curse

In Passing

2009-12-16T19:43:00.000-05:00

Still here, still very much overwhelmed. I'll possibly have time to regularly blog soon, but for now it's just not happening. After getting out of the habit of sharing every nook and cranny of our lives online, it's hard to know where to draw the line. So many posts never make it here. I'm still feeling my way. Till I do find a balance and recover from writer's block this blog will be on the back burner. : )

Till then,

Best Wishes

Can we call ourselves "green" now?

2009-12-03T14:18:00.000-05:00

We traveled to the Midwest for Thanksgiving, and had a wonderful time. We arrived home in the wee hours of Monday and my husband left for work at 7:30 am. He was still quite tired since we didn't have a full night's sleep, and he fell asleep at the wheel. He crossed into the other lane and hit another vehicle. No one was hurt (thankfully) but our car is gone to the great big junkyard in the sky. We were not carrying collision on it, since it was our second vehicle and was paid off, so now we're a one car family until late January when we will purchase another car.

Please pardon my absence a few days while we adjust to this newest adventure.

Favorite Recipe Blogs (plus a few fave recipe finds)

2009-11-17T12:44:00.000-05:00

One of my greatest vices is the fact that I have a love/hate relationship with cooking. Not all cooking, mind you- only that which involves lots of prep and cleanup. Basically anything worth eating. Coupled with this is the advantage of being able to eat out rather frugally (being a family of 3- one that doesn't eat table food). Add up the equation and you get our current dinner schedule- pick up, eat out, or throw in. (I do try to cook at least 2-3 good meals throughout the week.)

Worked great for the first (nearly) two years of our marriage... but now, not so much. Now we having a greater goals in mind than filling up our tummies. Number one- making sure that we introduce healthy meals to the little one, since he'll be ready to step up to table food soon. Number two- I still have about 10 pounds of pregnancy weight that needs to come off. Immediately. Tokyo Express isn't helping that. Number three- we now have a house fund, and every dollar counts.

I've always loved reading recipe blogs. It was great imagining myself cooking up all of those oh-so-good goodies. But I rarely ever took the time to dig in and make a full week of menu plans and actually follow through. For awhile I had great success, but then baby came along, my energy was zapped, and Molina's Mexican Restaurant was calling my name.

Now don't get me wrong- Molina's is still calling my name- but I'm not listening any more.

A few of my favorite recipe blogs:
Kelly's Korner Recipes- mostly southern style, calorie ridden cuisine, but has loads of things that my husband would enjoy
Finding Joy in My Kitchen- awesome recipes, many with a low price tag
Lynn's Kitchen Adventures- again, great food that won't break the grocery budget
Good (&CHEAP) Eats- Mmmmmmmmm...
$5 Dinners- quite a few great recipes here

Pioneer Woman Cooks- Just. Wow. Ree is an amazing cook. Great recipe photo tutorials. Some things might be a bit expensive to cook, but there are several frugal recipes here

My picks:

Crockpot Scalloped Potatoes

Cheddar Chicken and Pasta Bake

Mexican Casserole

Ham and Asparagus Lasagna

Mexican Pizza

And as always (our standbys):

Salad and French Bread Night

Steak and Baked Potato (in our area steak is cheaper than chicken)

Lemon Tilapia with rice pilaf and California vegetable blend

Cornish hens with roasted potatoes and veggies

Chicken and Dumplings

Roast Beef with Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy (side of asparagus)

The above recipes are fairly self explanatory, but I'll post our way of doing them one day.

Blur

2009-11-16T13:35:00.000-05:00

I see that this blog has turned into one of those one-post wonders.

All is well though, because I've been spending my time basking in the glow of the most adorable baby in the world- soon to turn eight months old. Often I stop and try sort out some type of timeline. Where did all of the time go? Over a half year has past and I can't seem to grasp that it's gone forever.

First to go was the tiny bassinet.

Then the baby bathtub.

Then the sleepers with the teeny tiny feet.

No need for a bouncer- he crawls now.

He had his first haircut yesterday.

Just. Wow.

He's beginning his journey out of babyhood. And I'm not ready. Everytime he pulls up onto furniture I wait tentively for him to take that very first step. And for a moment my heart stops. When I see him begin to crawl down I smile, because I know that he's not ready.

Neither am I.

Beginning

2009-09-10T09:36:00.001-04:00

Third time's the charm right?

Hopefully.

This is my third jab at blogging. Blog number one went down in flames of glory during an exceedingly stressfull time in my life (think full time college student, full time employee, full time daughter, friend, sister, teacher, nanny, driver etc.) I started blog number two when things slowed down a bit. That blog documented my engagement, wedding, marriage, pregnancy, delivery, and first three months of mommyhood. Now it is forever banished to the darkest recesses of deep webspace nine. Why, you might ask?

Several reasons: 1) I felt that there was far too much personal information that was better left unblogged. It was a blog read by people who knew me from college, friends of friends, and a few dear ladies that I met online. I was very careless with info, photos, and hints that were able to identify where I lived, where we attended school, our names etc. After reading a report on internet crime, I was shocked to discover that my blog had a high probability of being targeted by internet pred*ators and ped*i*files. At first I simply deleted all of the photos, but after reading over several of my posts I realized that all of it needed to be deleted.

Reason 2) Computer time was beginning to take up too much time. I was spending more time photographing, blogging, facebooking, and twittering about our lives than I spent living it. My son was growing up overnight, and I felt like I was cheating him out of having a full time mom. And I was cheating my husband out of having a full time wife.

I dearly miss blogging, and the friendships that were formed with likeminded ladies, and several unlikeminded ladies who kept things spicy with a bit of debate every now and then. I miss writing my thoughts, organizing them into posts and getting feedback.

After deliberation, I feel that I should go back to blogging, but in doing so find a middle ground. I won't be posting here about all the particulars of our life. There might not be many photos of our family. But I want to share my thoughts again. I may not update often, but I will share my heart. Please join me (once again) as I embark on a new blog for a new season in my life.

Tutorials

2004-04-07T15:07:00.000-04:00

Coming Soon!

In My Bag

2004-04-07T15:06:00.003-04:00

This is my snazzy camera bag. Isn't it cute? I got it from Ritz Camera through Ebay. My heart longs for a Jill e, but I'm too cheap to buy one. This one will do for now.

In the bag:

Nikon D90: I only chose a Nikon because I was really ticked with my Canon P&S at the time. And I saw first hand the amazing way the D90 handles grain. It really does deliver what it promises. I'm happy with my choice.

Kit lens, 18-105 VR: I've used it three times. I like the wide angle, but I'm so used to shooting at low apertures that it's kinda useless. Don't hate it. Don't love it.

50mm: I have the 1.8 and it suits my needs just fine. Lately I've found that it seems to be a bit soft. Not sure what's up with that, but I'm planning to upgrade to the 1.4 in time.

35mm: I have the 1.8 version of this lens as well. It's hands down my fastest lens and the one that I use when photographing children.

Digital Grey Kards: Amazing. So worth the $15. Get 'em, learn how to use 'em.

Generic Grey Card: I used to use it all the time, but now not so much. I can eye the exposure much better than I used to. Helpful hint: If you plan on posting on ILP, use a digital grey card AND a grey card for the first few months of learning the ropes unless you want the first 10 comments to critique your white balance and exposure. Ask me how I know.

Stuff that won't fit in the bag:

Reflector: I have a collapsible 52" reflector from B&H. It's wonderful. It completely changes my shots when I use it. Unfortunately, I rarely have anyone to hold it for me.

Tripod: I have a $10 one from Amazon and I love it. It even came with a sturdy little hot shoe, so it doesn't slow me down when I need to remove my camera from the tripod. I probably wouldn't trust it on a breezy day.

Background stand: I have one that I've never set up. It's languishing in my guest room. When I use it I'll let you know how it goes.

Understanding Exposure by Brian Peterson: A MUST HAVE resource. I shot in manual from the moment I pulled my camera out of the box, something that I could have never accomplished without this book.

FAQ

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Okay, so no one actually ever asks me anything. Except, "Is that really your hair color?". So this is a pretend FAQ.

How long have you been blogging?
I started my very first blog in 2006. It chronicled my slightly boring life and rather mediocre college adventures. There was a lot of poetry and Sara Teasdale and budding photography taken with my $70 Kodak P&S. Around the time I met my future husband and I had several intensive papers and projects due, along with final exams and emotional baggage. I felt like I was sinking and after staying up until 3 am reading three of the 50 books due for my Children's Literature class I received an email asking me why I wasn't updating and I deleted the blog without warning. Back in the day, Blogger didn't have a wait period. If you hit delete, it was done. So that blog floats somewhere in deep space nine. I started blog number two a few months later, filled it with lovey dovey in love posts, announced my engagement, posted about our wedding, and 10 months later posted about a positive pregnancy test. After Samuel's birth I struggled with PPD in a bad way and I deleted that blog because (again) I was overwhelmed. I started this blog after the PPD cleared up, and I've been plugging away ever since.

To be continued...

Contact Me

2004-04-07T14:40:00.002-04:00

Questions? Comments?

Shoot me an email:

lifeasmum (at) gmail (dot) com